I Thought She Knew
by Faith16
Summary: Cordy leaves and Xander is hurting...kind of a songfic...Enjoy! Complete with AN (9903)
1. Default Chapter

Title: I Thought She Knew  
Author: Faith  
Disclaimer: It's not mine, it all belongs to Joss (lucky fool *g*) only the story belongs to me *g*  
Pairing: Cordelia/Xander  
Rating: PG  
Seasons/Spoilers: Before Cordelia leaves for LA, so somewhere before season 4. No Anya and Xander  
Summary: Cordy leaves and Xander's hurting  
Distribution: Ask and you shall receive  
Author's Notes: = thoughts, ** = bold thought's or sayings, ~~ = journal writings  
Feedback: *please*   
  
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~ Dear Diary,  
I can't believe Xander didn't even say good-bye. I mean we've been friends since we broke up. Oh well, I can't expect him to hold the same feelings as I do. He was the first guy that liked me for me, not for what I had, but for who I was.  
I guess that's why I'm really leaving Sunnydale. Not to start my acting career, but because of my first love. It hurts to think that he doesn't care about me anymore.  
Oh, I'm here, in LA. I think. I'm so confused; I don't know what to do anymore. I'll write later.  
  
Cordelia  
Chase~  
  
(Back in Sunnydale)  
  
I was running late, and now I've missed her. I never did tell her that I still love her, but she should have known. Maybe that's why she left, to get away from me. Xander slowly walked back towards the person that knew him the best. His best friend. Willow.  
  
"Xander, what are you doing here?" Willow asked when she opened the door to see her best friend Xander. "What's wrong? You look down."  
  
"I just wanted to hang out for a while. Is that okay? You don't have anyone over?" He asked looking around for signs of Buffy or Oz.  
  
"Xander, honestly. You know my best friend comes before anyone else." She said waving him in and pulled him in to a hug. "Cordelia left without seeing you didn't she?" He nodded and she continued, "Xander I'm so sorry."  
  
"It's okay she laughed at me the last time I told her how I felt." He said gloomly.  
  
"Xander, that was before she herself decided that she loved you too. Everything worked out alright then, she has to know how you feel."  
  
"I think she does and that's why she left me." Xander said leaving the Rosenburg home.  
  
"Xander! Wait." She called to him rushing out the door. The Dingo's are playing at the Bronze, maybe you should go. It'll make you feel better."  
  
"Honestly, Will. Having Cordelia in my arms would make me feel better but we all know that's not going to happen. Besides I'm thinking movies and chocolate for this guy." Xander replied.  
  
"How about you come over tomorrow and we'll watch movies." When she softly smiled she continued, "You know you can stay, hang out. Talk if you need too."  
  
"Thanks, Wills. But I think I'm going to go home for now. I'll think about going to the Bronze." With that he walked away.  
  
~ Dear Journal,  
Cordelia left me today. I know that we weren't together the past few months but I can't get her out of my mind. I've tried to move on with Anya but she got her demon powers back and she left Sunnydale. "Tomorrow's another day" says Willow but I'm not sure how many tomorrows I can live through without Cordelia.  
Sure she may have been the most popular girl in school but she liked me for me. Plus she wasn't the kind of person you could ignore, Willow may have loved me our whole lives but I didn't know it.  
No more dating for this guy.  
Xander Harris ~  
  
TBC? Should I continue? 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I Thought She Knew, (2/?)  
Author: Faith, Faith_Dru@lycos.com  
Disclaimer: They're not mine, no matter how much I would like them to be they all belong to Joss Whedon and company.  
Pairing: Cordelia/Xander  
Rating: G maybe PG  
Season/Spoilers: Same as before nothing's changed. Cordy leaves so somewhere before season 4.  
Summary: Cordy leaves and Xander's hurting....I know it's the same thing I said on the other part but, if I told you anymore it would spoil it.  
Distribution: Ask and you shall receive.  
Author's Note: = thoughts, * * = bold thoughts or sayings, ~ ~ = Journal writings, [] = actions, // = lyrics.  
Feedback: Well if you're reading this part you must have sent me feedback.....keep it coming......pppppppplllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeee!!!  
  
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In LA  
  
I should call him, but he's probably out with some new girl. [gloom] Well I won't feel sorry for myself. I'm going to have live life knowing that the one I love hates me or no longer cares. [tear falls] No more tears Cordelia Case I'm going to go on the rest of my life happy and carefree. With that she got up and walked out the door to get a job.  
  
An Hour Later  
  
"Thank you, sir" Cordelia said as she walked out of the help wanted office doors.  
  
"Thank you. We'll let you know." He said shaking her hand and walked back into the office.  
  
Back in Sunnydale at the Bronze  
  
"Xander, why don't you go out and dance? It'll make you feel better." Willow asked concerned evident in her voice.  
  
"I think I'll just go home and to bed." Xander said walking away.  
  
As he was walking out he heard a song that seemed all too familiar to him.  
  
// She was my once in a lifetime,  
Happy ending coming true.  
Oh I, Guess I should have told her,  
I thought she knew.  
  
She said I took her for granted,  
That's the last thing I would do.  
Oh, I'll never understand it,  
I thought she knew. //  
  
Having heard enough of the song he walked through the doors leading out into the unusually cool streets of Sunnydale; the song singing in his head.  
  
// I thought she knew my world revolved around her  
My love light burned for her alone,  
But she couldn't see the flame.  
Only myself to blame,  
I should have known  
I should have known.  
  
A heart full of words left unspoken  
Now that we're through  
I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken.  
Oh, I thought she knew  
I thought she knew.  
  
She was my once in a lifetime  
Happy ending come true  
Woahhh I guess I should have told her.  
But I thought she knew  
I thought she knew.  
I thought she knew  
Ohhh I thought that she knew. //  
  
Just as the song in his head ended he walked through the doors to his downstairs bedroom. Finally downstairs and alone in his thoughts he pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and began writing.  
  
~ My Dearest Cordelia,  
How I miss you. I feel terrible that I missed you on your bus out of town. I didn't get to tell you that I love you. ~  
  
That's short sweet and stupid. He thought just as the phone rang. "Hello?" He said into the receiver.  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: I Thought She Knew, (3/?)  
Author: Faith, Faith_Dru@lycos.com  
Disclaimer: They're not mine, no matter how much I would like them to be they all belong to Joss Whedon and company.  
Pairing: Cordelia/Xander  
Rating: G maybe PG  
Season/Spoilers: Same as before nothing's changed. Cordy leaves so somewhere before season 4.  
Summary: Cordy leaves and Xander's hurting....I know it's the same thing I said on the other part but, if I told you anymore it would spoil it.  
Distribution: Ask and you shall receive.  
Author's Note: = thoughts, * * = bold thoughts or sayings, ~ ~ = Journal writings, [] = actions, // = lyrics.  
Feedback: Well if you're reading this part you must have sent me feedback.....keep it coming......pppppppplllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeee!!!  
  
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"Hello?" He questioned again.  
  
"Hi." A female voice finally said. "Just listen to me, it'll be easier if I get this all out without interruption." Taking a breath Now or never. "I still love you, and I realize that you probably already have someone else but I couldn't go another minute without letting you know. I know that you probably think that I hate you because I left, but it's just the opposite. I couldn't go another day seeing you, and feeling worse and worse as the insults that were thrown about and seeing the hurt in your eyes." Taking a brief breath she continued, "Tell Willow that I forgive the both of you and that remember that I love you always. Good bye Xander."  
  
"Cordelia, wait!" He cried out.  
  
"Xander?" She questioned.  
  
"Cordelia, I love you too. I was just sitting here writing you a note telling you so. I'm also sorry that I missed your bus out of town. The man running the booth told me that I missed you by about five minutes." He said with total emotion, something he'd never done. "Come back to me, Cordelia." He requested.  
  
Gasping she didn't know what to think, so she panicked. "I can't." And with that she hung up the phone.  
  
Staring at the phone in totally disbelieve he didn't know what to do so he sat there with the phone in his hand until it started beeping and saying, "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again."  
  
In LA  
  
I can't believe that I called him. But I also can't believe that he asked me to come back and that I said 'no'. What was I thinking?? Picking up the phone again she dialed another number she'd learned from spending a lot of time with the Scooby Gang.  
  
In Sunnydale  
  
[Ring!]  
  
"Hello?" Willow said picking up the phone on the third ring.  
  
"Willow?" A voice asked.  
  
"Yes." She replied, and continued, "Cordelia?"  
  
"Yes, I just talked to Xander and I don't know what to do." Cordelia said braking down.  
  
"Oh, what happened?" Willow questioned getting into 'Willow' mode.  
  
"I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt and then asked me to come back to him and I said that I couldn't." She rushed the words out.  
  
"Oh, Cordelia." Was all Willow could say.  
  
"I want to come back, but I don't. I don't have anything in Sunnydale to come back to, you guys do just fine without me and my parents don't care enough to notice that I'm not there anymore." She managed to say.  
  
"But, Cordelia we're your friends. And if you care for Xander I know you guys can make it work." Willow said hopefully giving her comfort.  
  
"Really? After everything that I've done to you, you still call me your friend." Cordelia replied half shocked but half astonished.  
  
"Yes, I admit that it was hard for me to know about you and Xander but you guys are perfect for each other and I can respect that. I'm also really sorry about what happened." She said feeling the pain again.  
  
"I told Xander to tell you that I forgive you for what happened." Cordelia replied, but continued, "Do you think that I should come back?"  
  
"I can't tell you what to do, but I do know that Xander is really upset that you're not here and it's tearing him up inside." Willow stated.  
  
"You're right. I'm going to come back, but don't tell Xander. I want to surprise him." Cordelia said with conviction.  
  
"Great! Hey, I could try to get him down to the Bronze this weekend because Oz is playing and we'll all be there. Plus you have to meet Buffy's new boyfriend." Willow excitably said.  
  
"Buffy's got a new boyfriend? Is he alive?" Cordelia asked laughing.  
  
"Surprisingly yes. He's so sweet, his name is Riley Finn." Willow replied also laughing.  
  
"I can't wait. Oh don't tell Buffy either. I want only you to know." Cordelia hurriedly said.  
  
"Okay, umm. Xander's at my door so I'd better let you go. Call me tomorrow and we'll make final arrangements." Willow said heading downstairs.  
  
"Okay, bye." Cordelia said hanging up.  
  
"Bye." Willow replied. Going to the door she opened it only to not find Xander there but an unexpected person.  
  
"'Ello, cutie." Spike said slightly drunk.  
  
"Spike?!?!?! What are you doing here." She questioned remembering that she hadn't invited him in.  
  
"Just want to talk to you." He slurs.  
  
"You're drunk, again?" She stated.  
  
"How could ya tell?" He asked leaning against the invisible barrier. "Invite me in." He commanded.  
  
"No." She retorted.  
  
"Please." He begged.  
  
"I can't believe William the Bloody is begging for an invite." She said rolling her eyes. "I also can't believe that I haven't just shut the door and called Buffy to come slay him."  
  
"Please don't do that. I couldn't stand to see her and Peaches all lovie dovie." He drawled.  
  
"So much you know. Angel left town." She said picking up the phone to dial. "No if you don't follow the same pattern I'm going to call Buffy and she'll be here just to kick your ass up to the moon and back."  
  
"Love the imagery, luv. But no can do. I need you to do something for me." He said cursing to himself that he just said that.  
  
"Oh, no. I'm not going to do another spell for you." Willow said sternly. "I'm calling Buffy." She responded while dialing the number to Buffy's house.  
  
"Fine, 'ave it your way. I'm gone." He said walking away from the open door.  
  
"Hey, Buffy. You'll never guess who was here looking for an invite." She said not shutting the door, just watching Spike's retreating form.  
  
AT Buffy's  
  
"Who?" She asked.  
  
"Spike." Willow simply said and just chuckled at her yelling.  
  
"Is he still there?" She yelled.  
  
"I'm not sure, but I'm not going outside to find out. He wants me to do a spell for him." She responded.  
  
"Oh really?" Buffy said. "I'll be right over to slay if I need to. Stay inside and whatever you do..."  
  
"Don't go outside and don't give invite. Got it." Willow said laughing. "See you soon. Bye." With that she hung up. "Spike if you're still out there, Buffy's on her way over to slay your dead ass!" She yelled out the door, still on the safe side of the barrier.  
  
Few Minutes Later  
  
"Well, well look who's 'ere." Spike drawled.  
  
"Spike, long time no see. What are you doing back here. Thought you were going to 'make' Dru love you again." Buffy asked sarcastically.  
  
"Shove it Slayer." Spike spat out.  
  
"Oh, hit a nerve there." Buffy said carelessly.  
  
Spike didn't say anything back he just attacked. They each threw punches and blocks at each other. Some actually made contact, others didn't. Before either of them knew it a blue light hit Spike square in the back.  
  
"What?" Was all Buffy could get out.  
  
Willow saw this and raced out the door towards Buffy and the men that 'shot' Spike.  
  
"It's okay, miss. We'll take it from here." One spoke.  
  
"Buffy are you okay?" Willow asked momentarily distracted away from Spike's not moving form.  
  
"Yes." Buffy replied staring at the masked men in front of her in army fatigues. "Who are you?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Don't worry miss we can handle this." He said again.  
  
"Handle what?" Buffy questioned.  
  
"Lets go." He said to his men ignoring her question.  
  
As they walked away, Willow asked "Should we go see Giles?" Buffy just nodded, not knowing what to think or say. "Okay let me just lock my door."  
  
After Giles' House  
  
"You have one new message!" The phone machine said. "Hey Wills, call me when you get this message. 756-8987, talk to you soon."  
  
Dialing the number she waited for Cordelia to pick up. "Hey Cordelia, what's up?" She said when the other girl answered.  
  
LA  
  
"Not much, you'll never guess who I saw tonight." She responded excitably.  
  
"Who?" Willow questioned.  
  
"Angel." Cordelia replied.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, I know I was surprised too. He sort of saved me too." Cordelia said a little distracted.  
  
"Really? Well I guess that's understandable. What happened?" Willow questioned.  
  
"I went to see this big shot movie guy and it turns out he was a vampire. Angel I guess knew this and came in and saved me." Cordelia responded.  
  
"Wow, after all this time in Sunnydale you move away and you are nearly eaten. Good one Cordelia." Willow joked.  
  
Laughing she replied, "I know, kind of strange."  
  
"You're still planning on coming back to Sunnydale, right?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yes, Angel has help here and besides him there's nothing keeping me here." Cordelia said putting the redhead at ease.  
  
"Okay, well just a warning. We had a visit from Spike and a new group that does something to demons. So we'll be researching a lot." Willow told the brunette.  
  
"Sounds like fun." She laughed. "Well I'm going to get some rest, so I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
  
"Okay, talk to you later. Bye." Willow said waiting until the other girl hung up before hanging up herself.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: I Thought She Knew, (4/?)  
  
Author: Faith, Faith_Dru@lycos.com  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine, no matter how much I would like them to be they all belong to Joss Whedon and company. Jessica Andrews "Now I know"  
  
Pairing: Cordelia/Xander  
  
Rating: G maybe PG  
  
Season/Spoilers: Same as before nothing's changed. Cordy leaves so somewhere before season 4.  
  
Summary: Cordy leaves and Xander's hurting....I know it's the same thing I said on the other part but, if I told you anymore it would spoil it.  
  
Distribution: Ask and you shall receive.  
  
Author's Note: = thoughts, * * = bold thoughts or sayings, ~ ~ = Journal writings, [] = actions, // = lyrics.  
  
Feedback: Well if you're reading this part you must have sent me feedback.....keep it coming......pppppppplllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeee!!!  
  
  
  
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The days flew by for both Cordelia and Willow. They had everything planned out from what Cordelia would wear to her entrance to what she would say. All the time they spent talking they became really good friend and Willow found herself excited to see Xander's face when she walked into the Bronze. "I think that's it. I've got to call Xander and invite him to the Bronze. Are you coming in tonight?" Willow questioned.  
  
"Yep Angel's being nice enough to lone Doyle his car to drive me to your house. Once meeting you, Doyle's going to head back to LA. It's strange but I think I'm going to miss Angel's brooding." She laughed.  
  
Laughing Willow commented, "It's strange not to see him brooding, in fact it's strange to not see him at all."  
  
"I know, he's got the brooding thing down pat." Cordelia exasperated.  
  
"Well he's had over 80 years to perfect it." Willow pointed out.  
  
"True. Well Doyle's here so I'll see you in a couple of hours." Cordelia said.  
  
"Okay. See you when you get here." Willow replied. After they're good-byes Willow dialed Xander's number. When he picked it up she answered, "Hey Xander."  
  
"Hey, Wills." He replied.  
  
"You sound happy. What's new?" Willow asked.  
  
"Nothing much just glad you called." Xander answered.  
  
"Really? Hey I was wondering if you'd like some Bronze action, Dingo's are playing tomorrow night. Everyone's going to be there. Buffy, Riley, me, and hopefully you." She responded excitably.  
  
"I'm there. Do you guys mind if I bring someone I met at work?" Xander questioned.  
  
"Sure, who is it?" Willow questioned.  
  
"Ah, one of the guys on the construction team." He answered.  
  
"You really like the new job don't you?" She asked happy that it was a guy.  
  
"Yep, great people great money. I plan to move out soon."  
  
"Xander that's great!" Willow replied.  
  
"I know, my parents are going to be happy when I move out."  
  
That's not the only person that's going to be happy. "I bet they will. So hey I've got to do some running around but we'll see you at the Scooby meeting tonight, right?" She said.  
  
"Yep, see you later Wills." Xander said.  
  
Once they hung up Willow walked out the door to do some shopping. Cordy had told her that she didn't have anything really nice to wear so Willow thought it'd be nice to buy her some new things.  
  
When she got home that night, she was tired. She noticed that they're was a message on the machine pushing the button to play the message she heard this, "Hey Wills, the Scooby meeting has been called off. We're going Bronzing, if you'd like to you can join us. See you later."  
  
Hmm, I could wear my new outfit. Willow thought smiling to herself as she climbed the stairs to her room. Pulling out the couple of outfits from the bag, she looked over them. Setting the ones that were meant for Cordy aside she picked out a black halter top and a short green skirt. Bending down to reach under her bed she pulled out a small shoe box. Opening it up she looked at the black-strapped shoes that she'd purchased with Buffy one time at the mall but never wore. Smiling a big smile she started getting dressed.  
  
At the Bronze  
  
"Has anyone seen Willow?" Buffy asked when she reached the table.  
  
"No, did anyone talk to Willow?" Xander answered.  
  
"I called her, but she wasn't there. I left a message." Buffy replied looking behind Xander towards the door.  
  
Instantly turning around Xander saw what...or who Buffy was looking at. Wow, she's looking good.  
  
Smiling at the looks she received she walked with confidence over to where Xander, Buffy and Oz were sitting. "Hey guys." She quipped.  
  
Oz stood, smiled and said, "You look amazing."  
  
"Aw, thanks Oz." Willow said after she kissed him.  
  
"What's with the look, Wills?" Buffy asked but then when everyone looked at her like she was wearing a funny hat she quickly replied, "Not that it doesn't look great on you."  
  
Willow laughed, "I was just in the mood to dress up." The song changed and Willow turned to Oz and asked, "Did you want to dance?"  
  
He smiled and took her hand as she led him to the dance floor. He pulled her close, happy to see her. "I love you." He whispered in her ear.  
  
Smiling she whispered back, "I love you too."  
  
They didn't say anything just content to be in each other's arms. Once the song ended Willow suddenly remembered about Cordy. She'd remembered Angel had let her used the cell phone and that she'd have it with her. Excusing herself from the group she walked towards the phone. Dialing the number she'd learned a few weeks ago. When a women's voice answered she said, "Cordy. Hey, where are you?"  
  
"Hey Willow. Doyle and I are right outside the city limits. Oh, we've passed the sign that welcomes you into Sunnydale. Are you at the Bronze?" Cordy asked.  
  
"Yes, the Scooby meeting was canceled for tonight so we're Bronzing it." Willow answered. "You can come if you want to." Willow quickly said.  
  
"I don't have anything to wear." Cordy said but then covered the mouthpiece to say "Shut up" to Doyle.  
  
Laughing softly she replied, "Go to my house. The key is were it always is. Go up to my room there's an outfit on my bed."  
  
Gasping softly she responded, "You didn't have to buy me anything."  
  
"Well couldn't have the Queen C looking less Queen C-like on her reappearance now could we." Willow laughed.  
  
Laughing Cordy said, "No I guess not. We'll be there, just give us a 20 minutes."  
  
"Okay, see you in a few." Willow replied hanging up the phone after saying her good-bye. She walked over to the group and couldn't help but to smile. Putting her hand on Oz's shoulder she reclaimed her seat.  
  
"Everything okay?" Oz asked.  
  
"Yep." Willow smiled. "Couldn't be better."  
  
Raising him eyebrow at his girlfriend he knew that she was up to something, but decided that he should just let it go for now. She'd tell him when she's ready.  
  
20 Minutes Later  
  
Xander's POV  
  
Everyone had gone onto the floor except Xander on account that he didn't have anyone to dance with. Watching his best friends dance with their respected guys his mind drifted to a time not long ago that he had someone that special in his life. Smiling as he remembers Cordy and everything they'd been threw, he hoped that she was happy in LA.  
  
Cordy's POV  
  
Cordy walked into the Bronze and memories good and bad came flooding back to her. Smiling at the good ones she looked around the club trying to find Xander. Her smile got even bigger when she saw Willow and Oz dancing. She notice Willow small wave and waved back. It turns out that Willow had good tastes. She'd picked a red and black dress that went to her calves. It had a U-necked caller and loose sleeves. She wore simple black sandals that had plat formed heals.  
  
She walked into the club further looking at the tables and couches that they'd occupied when in high school. Her eyes finally landed on Xander sitting alone at a table. She slowly walked towards him and stopped in her tracks when he saw her.  
  
Xander had been watching the couples until he looked towards the door and that's when he saw her. Smiling he stood up and walked the rest of the distance towards Cordy. "You came back?" He asked.  
  
Smiling she replied, "Yes."  
  
Xander was so happy he pulled her into a tight embrace and felt whole again.  
  
Cordy hugged back, and held the tears that were threatening to come. She was finally home.  
  
TBC 


	5. Author's Note

Authors Note:  
  
To all of those that enjoyed this fic, I've decided that I'm going to end it here.  
  
It seems as good of a place as any, if you'd like to see more on this fic let me know.  
  
Faith 


End file.
